March 7, 2012
Chapters 18-19-20 of I Chronicles are a long list of David’s military exploits. I find them boorish and unpleasant. It is hard to imagine much glory in slaughtering 40,000 soldiers (19:18) even as an act of obedience. What I did discover in the middle of this rampaging and pillaging were 3 or 4 unusual – even funny events, which I want to share today. Maybe a little light hearted silliness might offset the off-putting of so much slaughter, destruction and death.
So Hanun seized David’s ambassadors and shaved them, cut off their robes at the buttocks, and sent them back to David in shame. 19:4. I’m sorry, but this just struck me funny today. I’m sure it was anything but funny to David’s ambassadors, and I’m sure the shaving of their beards was a far greater shame than running around with their backsides exposed, but I find this hilariously inglorious! I found the mention of cut off their robes at the buttocks unspecific. Did that mean at the top end of the buttocks, the bottom of the buttocks, or directly in the middle. I suppose there was probably some serious shame associated with either of those options, but can’t you just see these esteemed ambassadors running back to David with their clean shaven faces and back sides blowing in the wind? It just made me laugh – I’m not going to try and force it to mean something real “spiritual” it just made me laugh!
In the spring of the year, when kings normally go out to war… 20:1. We can’t possibly go to war in the summer time – it’s too hot. And we can’t possibly go to war in the winter – it’s too cold. And no self-respecting hunter goes to war in the fall when provisions must be laid in for winter – so naturally – normally - kings go to war in the spring! This struck me as absurd that they planned their war mongering like we get the seed catalogs and plan our spring garden planting. Every year, around the same time I get anxious to buy my golf pass – the ancient kings make plans to go to war. Again – no valid point – just made me laugh.
The best yet: In another battle with Philistines at Gath, they encountered a huge man with six fingers on each hand and six toes on each foot, twenty four in all. 20:6. Like we can’t figure out the total for ourselves! This guy was a descendant or relative of the most famous giant from the same land of Gath; that reared Goliath – whom David dispatched at an early age. Who were these giants, and were they so huge they required six toes to remain balanced as they walked and ravaged the earth? Were they so huge they needed six fingers to manage to hold on to their unleavened tacos? Again – no serious lesson or point – just another remarkable entry in this holy book we call the Bible.
Maybe I needed some levity in my morning today – or maybe God is saying to me – “lighten up – you are taking yourself way too seriously and ME not near seriously enough.” I don’t know – I just found these mentions hilarious today – and since it’s my blog – I wrote about them. I hope they at least make you smile!